She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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