we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
