You smell like stripper and shame
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
