I could have mohawked her pubes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
