last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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