the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
