We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
