I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this just has baby written all over it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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