How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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