He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
