Where is the hickey?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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