Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
