I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
