Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
