I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My penis needs a shock collar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
