Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
