I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
