Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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