Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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