I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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