Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
