I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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