Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
