Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
