My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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