i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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