How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
