at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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