guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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