please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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