ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All the doctor said was why
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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