This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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