you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize