I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
