Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize