Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
