it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
