she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I could make wine with my vomit
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
