turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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