i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
God I need to hump something, right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
