Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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