This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My first STD was from a foam party
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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