So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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