We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
