toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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