but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
