He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want nice things and good sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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