I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
