why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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