I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
