Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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