My hand turned me down
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
