We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
