He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
