tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
