dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
birth control should be required to get into college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Be still, my beating vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
