legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
