so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
